"it's me and the moon" she says

halo_of_blood @ 2008-11-18T18:30:00

2008-11-18T23:30:53Z

he was there the entire time.
i'm so blind.

halo_of_blood @ 2008-11-12T22:43:00

2008-11-13T03:44:20Z

i can't help but wish for the guy who will sweep me off my feet.
hello? are you even out there...?

halo_of_blood @ 2008-02-29T02:07:00

2008-02-29T07:20:06Z

just now i was sitting here and thinking about my love life. ive been in 2 steady (or not so steady) relationships. i haven't been single since i was 13! at one point or another i either had a boyfriend or was together with them. why am i so unable to function on my own? i really was not ready for a relationship after bobby, but of course, me being me, i had to jump head first into one. but why? is it because that one day i may not have any one to love me and i'll be all alone for the rest of my life? i like having that steady male companionship thing going on. but why? im sitting here thinking i really have no valid reason to hold onto men like my life depends on it. the last few months have been, difficult? are those the words i want to choose? i have so many strange feelings. but i know having them are wrong. or are they? i don't want to be alone. everyone you talk to about me can pretty much agree im no good on my own. but why? WHY? because i have that need to latch on to someone and abuse them because i feel bad? or just be with them because i love them? ive taken the word love and torn it to peices. is there REALLY a love anymore? things used to be so simple. so straightforward. what happened to that? one day did i become so cynical and jaded it really lost its actual meaning? is it real or is it just some stupid concept we humans latch onto to make life a little more bearable? is it being used to someone being there or is it just a cheap new thrill? i think love really lost its meaning a long time ago. it seemed so simple. just a kiss, your first kiss, you felt like melting. but now, what does a kiss mean? something sexual or something that actually contains a meaning? is sex just SEX, or is there actually something behind it? i feel like i always give myself to anyone who ever shows me one scrap of attention, just gives me the feeling that i am attractive, some kind of sick affection. what do i want? is there anything TO want? is there? i wish someone would tell me because i have no idea.

halo_of_blood @ 2007-11-27T14:30:00

2007-11-27T19:31:01Z

i'm so emo!!!!

halo_of_blood @ 2006-12-16T00:33:00

2006-12-16T05:33:35Z

yeah so im an emotional wreck.
i threw a shit fit on sunday, no saturday because my mom bought an actual REAL x-mas tree, instead of out fake one that i like. i hate the smell of pine, plus, i dunno it pissed me off. work is getting to me. i worked at bath and body works for like 3 weeks, but it was too much between working at stop and shop and going to school full time, and i couldn't handle it. i felt bad, but whatever. i got 2 days this week but im working 4 days now b/c im covering for 2 different people. i need the money, plus i like stop and shop because im a fucking loser. 18 1/2 hours this week. tomorrow i have work at 11-3, so that should be interesting.
next semesters going to be an absolute bitch.
american politics
world/regional geo
intro to spanish
basic skill math
and intro to lit
ehh.
i sold back some of my books today. a majority i bought off of the internet really fucking cheap, and sold them back top the school and made a nice little profit off of them. it was a good idea on my part. haha.
i made some really great friends at school. its awesome because we all like the same shit plus theres no high school drama bull shit.
i think too much about difficult things.
sundays gonna suck, 7 hours and 1 15 min break. ewww.
they fucked up on the amount of money i should be making. it should be either 7.95 or 8.05. and im going to get a hitload fo back pay. this happened to a few people i work with, so im glad thats going to be straightened out.
im happy with erik, were too perfect. sometimes i wish we could just fight once and a while, but he refuses to fight with me. next to his alcoholic ex-gf, im a saint. heh.
chirstmas is in 10 days but it doesn't feel like it. its been to warm, plus going to college makes time go way too fucking fast. its good, but its bad too, idk why, but well i dunno.
im used to all of my classes starting at 11 or later and now in the spring semester im going to have to be there by 8 most days, 9:30 other days, and 11 on mondays. its gonna be a bitch waking up because im used to a good nights rest.
this is getting really fucking long.

ehhh

2006-11-20T05:15:35Z

me, my sister, and my mom are all retardedly sick right now. and it sucks.

halo_of_blood @ 2006-08-02T12:50:00

2006-08-02T16:53:41Z

MONDAY- Current Health Issues- 11:00 am - 12:15 pm
Writing Effective Prose - 12:30 pm - 1:45 pm

TUSDAY -                 First Year Seminar - 11:00 am - 12:15 pm
                                   General Psychology - 2:00pm - 3:15 pm
                                   Approaches to Western Art - 3:30 pm - 4:45 pm

WEDNESDAY -        Writing Effective Prose - 12:30 pm - 1:45 pm
                                   Introduction to Philosophy - 2:00 pm - 3:15 pm

THURSDAY -           General Psychology - 2:00 pm - 3:15 pm
                                   Approaches to Western Art - 3:30 pm - 4:45 pm

FRIDAY -                  Current Health Issues - 11:00 am - 12:15 pm
                                  Introduction to Philosophy - 2:00 pm - 3:15 pm

my earliest class is 11 am and my latest class ends at 4:45
my scheduale is awesome.

wow.

2006-07-30T04:59:45Z

my mom just got engaged. wow.

halo_of_blood @ 2006-07-27T14:37:00

2006-07-27T18:34:50Z

hmmm well today was semi-eventful.

i had to wake up MADDD early to take my car to get inspected. well, i was planning on getting up at 8 to be there by 9:15 so i thought hey why not push it to 8:45. i took a shower, got dressed, drove my ass to totowa, and then went to the DMV. my car failed lol. well i just need a new tire cuz one has a bubble in it and the lights over my rear liscense plate don't work so i just have to get that fixed and then ill pass. hahaha. worked from 10-2 and now im here. i plan on taking a nap because thats pretty much all my life has come to at this point lolol. i have a sick rash on my arm from god knows what because apparently in allergic to EVERYTHING. including the metal loop on my bra so i have 2 quartrer size rashes on my chest where the looops would be if i was wearing that bra. im so unlucky haha. and they're like pussing. its gross. lol.

and i get to see erik tomorrow from friday afternoon to sunday night. hehehehe. EXCITED. like ALOT ALOT.

and i like job #2. i get to make out 600,000 dollar checks. its pretty sweet.

and, im done.

halo_of_blood @ 2006-05-20T13:19:00

2006-05-20T17:10:08Z

im so in loveeee

halo_of_blood @ 2005-11-13T15:09:00

2005-11-13T20:10:52Z

i love my sister jenn.. she is the coolest person ever... i love her so fucking much!!!

halo_of_blood @ 2005-10-22T23:24:00

2005-10-23T03:28:16Z

a good friend gives you a ride home in the rain

a best friend wraps you up in plastic bags and wishes you the best

halo_of_blood @ 2005-09-14T14:49:00

2005-09-14T18:44:39Z

Friends ONLY!!!

halo_of_blood @ 2005-09-11T22:09:00

2005-09-12T02:07:05Z

school's been okay, i mean it could be better but im not gonna bitch

i am so exhausted

i lost 25 pounds this summer...wahoo

i miss the summer

wake me up when september ends

halo_of_blood @ 2005-09-11T00:34:00

2005-09-11T04:30:27Z

you are a disgusting skank

you dumb bitch

even my sister thinks you are gross

go find someone else you can give herpes too

you dirty dirty cunt

and if you have no idea who this is referencing too, its the dumb cunt who can't keep her legs closed

your acne makes me sick

halo_of_blood @ 2005-09-07T21:28:00

2005-09-08T01:29:35Z

1- college algebra, were doing shit i did in 8th grade, thank god for an easy math class, god bless you... McNutt is pretty funny and lisa and wendy are in my class

2- english, bucci is in there so i guess its not that bad... teacher seems a bit crazy though

3- gym... i have kate and wendy in there....so thats good

4- world geography... this is gonna be a fun class cuz its kinda history related + sarah mashall = good

5- lunch...i go out with alyssa sullivan, ana, kerri and sarah marshall

6- child development with lauryn and amanda... pluss we have uhr and rydd is sometimes in there so that makes me happy... we colored folders today

7- allied health... amanda a laura castrianai are in there. mizz baaaaaailly is the teacher so its good... we touched flowers today

8- chorus with CIFELLLI...nihara and the rest of the seniors are pretty cool but i miss last years class so it kinda sucks ass

9- psychology... matt feinfind is my BFF... plus o'reilly tells really cool stories about a cat with no eyes and shes really funny and sarcastic

lisa drives me home cuz shez like da best...lol shes cool

and then i come home and sleep...

halo_of_blood @ 2005-09-05T22:43:00

2005-09-06T02:38:00Z

school starts tomorrow
ew.

If your not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?

2005-09-04T18:05:54Z

If you're not the one
Then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one
Then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine
Then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine
Would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away
But I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you
Then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you
Then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me
Then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me
Then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart
And pray for the strength to stand today
Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

halo_of_blood @ 2005-09-03T11:49:00

2005-09-03T15:48:56Z

keiths gone and at school. i miss him.

i miss becky too.

i start school on tuesday. ::shudders::

bobby got high honors on his lincoln tech shit.

carlie starts bartending school soon too.

i have to sign up for SAT's.

i have work on labor day and the day school starts. that sucks. but i am making pretty good money.

im tired. went to roccos last night and was feezing. then ended up crashing at bobby's. im here and very tired now.

i have to clean my room and do laundry and buy sam a prezzie.

one more year of high school, thank god.

then its of to college. bye bye.

i don't wanna runaway, but i can't take it, and i don't understand...

2005-09-01T03:48:55Z

in general-

this summer sucked ass

my heart was ripped out and broken.

my birthday was ruined thanks to some keniving whore [ dumb bitch! ]

i was dicked over by 2 people i didn't think would dick me over.

my vacation was anxiety ridden.

very few people cared about what was happening.

im lonely.

and i hate the world right now.

i guess she can't keep her legs closed

2005- 2006 sheduale

2005-08-31T23:13:43Z

Period 1- college algebra and distrubutive math- mcnutt- 205

Period 2 - english 12- johnson- 212

Period 3 - health/phys ed- debenedictis - 131 [ first marking period health ]

Period 4 - world geography - turso - 154

Period 5 - LUNCH

Period 6 - child development 2 - uhr - 147

Period 7 - allied health - bailey - 220

Period 8 - chamber choir - cifelli- 122

Period 9 - psychology/sociology - o'reilly/ettz- 251/246

ive got the time, but im wasting it slowly

2005-08-31T03:27:50Z

people bug me. [ as in everyone i have ever met ]

coke heads bug me. [ why start? ]

coked out girls who go to school with me bug me. [ they have no idea how dumb they are ]

stupid alcoholic boys bug me. [ for example, everyone in this damn town ]

not having a cell phone bugs me. [ its at carlies ]

not having a car bugs me [ i need to get away from my family, they are driving me nuts ]

becky leaving bugs me. [ i miss her alot, shes one of the only people i can actually talk to ]

my grade in school bugs me. [ just about everyone that mattered has graduated ]

things i am greatful for:

- cigarettes, god bless tobacco

- snapple lemon- iced tea

- ana and nelson, they are one hell of a dynamic duo

- having my liscense

- knowing i only have to put up with high school for one more year

- people i don't like have disappeared

- people i do like tend to stick around

- my bed, god i love my bed.

- my puppies, <3

- carlie and the philly crew... [ free drinks when i go on break and carlie and her sillyness ]

- kilonopin

- pretty underwear

- kohl's

halo_of_blood @ 2005-08-30T15:29:00

2005-08-30T19:29:24Z

love is just a game...

i am so bored and tired and fed up with everything.

i miss becky. a month without her seems quite unbearable at this point, plus shes not gonna be there when school starts.

ive changed too much this summer.

too many things have changed.

i don't like it.

halo_of_blood @ 2005-08-28T02:04:00

2005-08-28T05:59:41Z

ding dong the bitch is gone...thank god
just got back today...fun stuff!

halo_of_blood @ 2005-08-18T15:15:00

2005-08-18T19:10:50Z

If only I could get through this
I get through this

I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta make it, make it, make it through
I'm gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta take my, take my mind off you

Give me just a second and I'll be all right
Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart
Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay
Just another day and then I'll hold you tight

When your love is falling like the rain
I close my eyes and it falls again
When will I get the chance to say I love you
I pretend that you're already mine
Then my heart ain't breaking every time
I look into your eyes

If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
God, gotta help me get through this

I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta make it, make it, make it through
Said I'm gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta take my, take my mind off you

Give me just a second and I'll be all right
Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart
Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay
Just another day and then I'll hold you tight

When your love is falling like the rain
I close my eyes and it falls again
When will I get the chance to say I love you
I pretend that you're already mine
Then my heart ain't breaking every time
I look into your eyes

If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
God, gotta help me get through this
If only I could get through this
God, gotta help me get through this
If only I could get through this
God, gotta help me get through this
If only I could get through this