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"it's me and the moon" she says [entries|friends|calendar]
"it's me and the moon" she says

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[18 Nov 2008|06:30pm]
he was there the entire time.
i'm so blind.
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[12 Nov 2008|10:43pm]
i can't help but wish for the guy who will sweep me off my feet.
hello? are you even out there...?
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[29 Feb 2008|02:07am]
[ mood | cynical ]

just now i was sitting here and thinking about my love life. ive been in 2 steady (or not so steady) relationships. i haven't been single since i was 13! at one point or another i either had a boyfriend or was together with them. why am i so unable to function on my own? i really was not ready for a relationship after bobby, but of course, me being me, i had to jump head first into one.  but why? is it because that one day i may not have any one to love me and i'll be all alone for the rest of my life? i like having that steady male companionship thing going on. but why? im sitting here thinking i really have no valid reason to hold onto men like my life depends on it. the last few months have been, difficult? are those the words i want to choose? i have so many strange feelings. but i know having them are wrong. or are they? i don't want to be alone. everyone you talk to about me can pretty much agree im no good on my own. but why? WHY? because i have that need to latch on to someone and abuse them because i feel bad? or just be with them because i love them? ive taken the word love and torn it to peices. is there REALLY a love anymore? things used to be so simple. so straightforward. what happened to that? one day did i become so cynical and jaded it really lost its actual meaning? is it real or is it just some stupid concept we humans latch onto to make life a little more bearable? is it being used to someone being there or is it just a cheap new thrill? i think love really lost its meaning a long time ago. it seemed so simple. just a kiss, your first kiss, you felt like melting. but now, what does a kiss mean? something sexual or something that actually contains a meaning? is sex just SEX, or is there actually something behind it? i feel like i always give myself to anyone who ever shows me one scrap of attention, just gives me the feeling that i am attractive, some kind of sick affection. what do i want? is there anything TO want? is there? i wish someone would tell me because i have no idea. 

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[27 Nov 2007|02:30pm]
i'm so emo!!!!
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[16 Dec 2006|12:33am]
[ mood | cranky ]

yeah so im an emotional wreck.
i threw a shit fit on sunday, no saturday because my mom bought an actual REAL x-mas tree, instead of out fake one that i like. i hate the smell of pine, plus, i dunno it pissed me off. work is getting to me. i worked at bath and body works for like 3 weeks, but it was too much between working at stop and shop and going to school full time, and i couldn't handle it. i felt bad, but whatever. i got 2 days this week but im working 4 days now b/c im covering for 2 different people. i need the money, plus i like stop and shop because im a fucking loser. 18 1/2 hours this week. tomorrow i have work at 11-3, so that should be interesting.
next semesters going to be an absolute bitch.
american politics
world/regional geo
intro to spanish
basic skill math
and intro to lit
i sold back some of my books today. a majority i bought off of the internet really fucking cheap, and sold them back top the school and made a nice little profit off of them. it was a good idea on my part. haha.
i made some really great friends at school. its awesome because we all like the same shit plus theres no high school drama bull shit.
i think too much about difficult things.
sundays gonna suck, 7 hours and 1 15 min break. ewww.
they fucked up on the amount of money i should be making. it should be either 7.95 or 8.05. and im going to get a hitload fo back pay. this happened to a few people i work with, so im glad thats going to be straightened out.
im happy with erik, were too perfect. sometimes i wish we could just fight once and a while, but he refuses to fight with me. next to his alcoholic ex-gf, im a saint. heh.
chirstmas is in 10 days but it doesn't feel like it. its been to warm, plus going to college makes time go way too fucking fast. its good, but its bad too, idk why, but well i dunno.
im used to all of my classes starting at 11 or later and now in the spring semester im going to have to be there by 8 most days, 9:30 other days, and 11 on mondays. its gonna be a bitch waking up because im used to a good nights rest.
this is getting really fucking long.

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ehhh [20 Nov 2006|12:15am]
me, my sister, and my mom are all retardedly sick right now. and it sucks.
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[02 Aug 2006|12:50pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

MONDAY-                Current Health Issues- 11:00 am - 12:15 pm
                                   Writing Effective Prose - 12:30 pm - 1:45 pm


TUSDAY -                 First Year Seminar - 11:00 am - 12:15 pm
                                   General Psychology - 2:00pm - 3:15 pm
                                   Approaches to Western Art - 3:30 pm - 4:45 pm

WEDNESDAY -        Writing Effective Prose - 12:30 pm - 1:45 pm
                                    Introduction to Philosophy - 2:00 pm - 3:15 pm

THURSDAY -           General Psychology - 2:00 pm - 3:15 pm
                                   Approaches to Western Art - 3:30 pm - 4:45 pm

FRIDAY -                  Current Health Issues - 11:00 am - 12:15 pm
                                  Introduction to Philosophy - 2:00 pm - 3:15 pm

my earliest class is 11 am and my latest class ends at 4:45
my scheduale is awesome.


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wow. [30 Jul 2006|01:09am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

my mom just got engaged. wow.

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[27 Jul 2006|02:37pm]
[ mood | content ]

hmmm well today was semi-eventful.

i had to wake up MADDD early to take my car to get inspected. well, i was planning on getting up at 8 to be there by 9:15 so i thought hey why not push it to 8:45. i took a shower, got dressed, drove my ass to totowa, and then went to the DMV. my car failed lol. well i just need a new tire cuz one has a bubble in it and the lights over my rear liscense plate don't work so i just have to get that fixed and then ill pass. hahaha. worked from 10-2 and now im here. i plan on taking a nap because thats pretty much all my life has come to at this point lolol. i have a sick rash on my arm from god knows what because apparently in allergic to EVERYTHING. including the metal loop on my bra so i have 2 quartrer size rashes on my chest where the looops would be if i was wearing that bra. im so unlucky haha. and they're like pussing. its gross. lol.

and i get to see erik tomorrow from friday afternoon to sunday night. hehehehe. EXCITED. like ALOT ALOT.

and i like job #2. i get to make out 600,000 dollar checks. its pretty sweet.

and, im done.

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[20 May 2006|01:19pm]
im so in loveeee
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[13 Nov 2005|03:09pm]
[ mood | blank ]

i love my sister jenn.. she is the coolest person ever... i love her so fucking much!!!

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[22 Oct 2005|11:24pm]
a good friend gives you a ride home in the rain

a best friend wraps you up in plastic bags and wishes you the best
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[14 Sep 2005|02:49pm]
Friends ONLY!!!
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[11 Sep 2005|10:09pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

school's been okay, i mean it could be better but im not gonna bitch


i am so exhausted


i lost 25 pounds this summer...wahoo


i miss the summer


wake me up when september ends


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[11 Sep 2005|12:34am]
you are a disgusting skank

you dumb bitch

even my sister thinks you are gross

go find someone else you can give herpes too

you dirty dirty cunt

and if you have no idea who this is referencing too, its the dumb cunt who can't keep her legs closed

your acne makes me sick
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[07 Sep 2005|09:28pm]
[ mood | calm ]

1- college algebra, were doing shit i did in 8th grade, thank god for an easy math class, god bless you... McNutt is pretty funny and lisa and wendy are in my class

2- english, bucci is in there so i guess its not that bad... teacher seems a bit crazy though

3- gym... i have kate and wendy in there....so thats good

4- world geography... this is gonna be a fun class cuz its kinda history related + sarah mashall = good

5- lunch...i go out with alyssa sullivan, ana, kerri and sarah marshall

6- child development with lauryn and amanda... pluss we have uhr and rydd is sometimes in there so that makes me happy... we colored folders today

7- allied health... amanda a laura castrianai are in there. mizz baaaaaailly is the teacher so its good... we touched flowers today

8- chorus with CIFELLLI...nihara and the rest of the seniors are pretty cool but i miss last years class so it kinda sucks ass

9- psychology... matt feinfind is my BFF... plus o'reilly tells really cool stories about a cat with no eyes and shes really funny and sarcastic

lisa drives me home cuz shez like da best...lol shes cool

and then i come home and sleep...

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[05 Sep 2005|10:43pm]
school starts tomorrow
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If your not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today? [04 Sep 2005|02:04pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

If you're not the one 
Then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one 
Then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine 
Then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine 
Would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings 
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through 
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away 
But I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you 
Then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you 
Then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me 
Then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me 
Then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away 
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through 
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart
And pray for the strength to stand today
Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms
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[03 Sep 2005|11:49am]

keiths gone and at school. i miss him.

i miss becky too.

i start school on tuesday. ::shudders::

bobby got high honors on his lincoln tech shit.

carlie starts bartending school soon too.

i have to sign up for SAT's.

i have work on labor day and the day school starts. that sucks. but i am making pretty good money.

im tired. went to roccos last night and was feezing. then ended up crashing at bobby's. im here and very tired now.

i have to clean my room and do laundry and buy sam a prezzie.

one more year of high school, thank god.

then its of to college. bye bye.

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i don't wanna runaway, but i can't take it, and i don't understand... [31 Aug 2005|11:07pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

in general-

this summer sucked ass

my heart was ripped out and broken.

my birthday was ruined thanks to some keniving whore [ dumb bitch! ]

i was dicked over by 2 people i didn't think would dick me over.

my vacation was anxiety ridden.

very few people cared about what was happening.

im lonely.

and i hate the world right now.

i guess she can't keep her legs closed




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